TRANSITION

Written by Tom Leigh

Transition. A word I think all of us have some level of connection to, whether we realise it or not. It has so many applications, be it the simplicity of growing older, as a person, moving between careers, your abilities, gaining and losing focus and your overall well being. The list is endless. Transition is vital to life, entwined with every decision and unconscious action you undertake, in so many more ways than you would ever realise; I hope to shed some light on this.

For me, transition has historically played a big part in my life. I have never really remained constant in any one area, continually ‘transitioning’. I have always been able to ‘switch fire’ from one focus to another and ‘begin again’. I have realised that this is a particular strength of mine and humans, perhaps a universal character trait, one that we just have to unlock. From pursuing a rugby career in my youth with Bath Academy, to then switching fire to serve as a Royal Marines Commando among conflicts in the middle east. What was a ‘turbulent’ time, my everyday being a transitional period of new, dangerous and enjoyable job roles, job descriptions and tasking. After an injury I left the service, changing my focus to management in the tech industries and logistics and now finally finding the creative industry which again requires constant flexibility. 

There was one period of time where I struggled. Where I didn’t use this ability or maybe I just felt that I couldn’t. My mind somehow ‘locked’ this unconscious superpower away from me. After being injured, I went through a period of PTSD and mental health difficulties. 

Survivors guilt, denial, regret, rage and… just a big dark cloud really, hanging over me. 

I couldn’t move on,

I couldn’t start again, 

I couldn’t transition. 

I could only see myself as broken. 

On reflection, I realised these new parts of me that had emerged that I viewed so negatively ; the rage being the most powerful, I thought of it as a cancer I needed to get rid of. 

To destroy. 

Rage is something that is natural inside all of us, even a nun has it. Everyone has capability for rage,  just for some it's harder to summon. I had unlocked this new side of myself, and wanted to destroy it. But what happens when you try to destroy something completely, especially something human? 

It fights back harder.

I saw the ‘negative’ traits as more evidence of myself being broken. So much so that

I didn’t like to see my own reflection. 

It was someone I despised, I hated what I had become, and I found a broken reflection to be much more acceptable. A broken mirror, for example, was only then when my reflection seemed acceptable to me.This is when I discovered the Japanese art of ‘Kintsugi’. It is the art of repairing broken objects with gold. To not only repair the item to enable its use again, but also highlight the breaks and the cracks. It fascinated me.

The cracks told a story, they made it unique.

They are what really made it beautiful.

It was this change in thought process that enabled the ability to transition once more. To accept these changes in myself, as they were now a part of me. Through acceptance of them I could then gain control of them. Having seen my worst self, I was now awake to the power of rage but with the ability to transition and apply it positively.  My new limits, my new ‘SOPs’ (Standard Operating Procedures). These things I had thought of as negative – now were no longer trying to destroy me, I could channel them into useful outcomes. 

These cracks became new parts of me. 

I no longer denied that they were there, I painted them in gold. 

I transitioned.

I sit here right now, with a home ‘Kintsugi’ set next to me. It brings a smile to my face. Perspective has such a strong influence on everything. I think of those we lost, and the effect that had on us. It brings home what I’ve said even harder. Terry Pratchett once said;

“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away…”

The ripples, or cracks, are still there. Paint them in gold.

I’m so excited to get SUNRAY out there and to tell our story. It has so many aims, but one especially encompasses everything I have said. We will tell you a story about violence and loss. Anger, rage, revenge. Depression and guilt. At first glance you might think that negative. But there is so much beauty in it;

Its action will entertain you.

Its relatability will give you new perspective.

Its expression will make you laugh and make you cry.

Its truth may even help you get through your own troubles.

We will welcome you into our world. A world that sometimes seems harsh, aggressive, negative and destructive. We will show you the gold. So, before you all die of boredom as I prattle on, I wanted to leave you with some parting words that I hope can help;

Keep moving forward. 

Channel the new parts of yourself into positive outcomes. 

Accept them as part of you and gain control over yourself. 

Love the cracks, they are your story. 

Paint them in gold.

Transition.

This is for them.

TL